The Electric Commentary

Friday, December 17, 2004

Insomnia

Too many "venti dark roasts" (which, is of course, "Large Coffee" in Starbucksese) and too much on my mind. I guess this is what finals season is all about. Stay awake with coffee. Get to sleep with scotch. Study and take some tests between.

And since the University "Police" didn't think I had enough to do they decided I needed to fight a speeding ticket tomorrow at 9am. I got pulled over going 37 in a 25 on my drive home from a friend's house following the Packer's Monday night victory over the Rams (Note: this game was on 11/29. The end of the month. I'm assuming the UW "Police" hadn't quite filled their lives-ruined quota for the month). I was on Johnson Street which, for those of you not familiar with Madison, is a four lane road that changes from a 40 mph speed limit to 25 over the space of one picometer. No one actually changes their speed however. So I didn't see the 25 mph sign because I was being passed on the right when I drove by it. I got pulled over and the first thing the cop asked me was, "how much have you had to drink tonight?" I wonder if it is possible that she was playing the odds that anybody driving home at that time was drinking and hoping to find a life to ruin with no probable cause. "Not a drop" I said, truthfully. She had to settle for ruining my life with a speeding ticket. I still haven't decided whether I want to plead no contest and hope the judge realizes what a crock a 37 mph ticket on Johnson Street is since he probably took Johnson in from his home in Middleton at 45 that very morning, or fight it and drag that damn cop in and make her admit she was trying to get me for drunk driving because she thinks guys that drive shitty ford T-birds after Packer games are all drunk drivers.

Anyway, since I can't study anymore tonight and I no longer have TV I've been reading Tucker Max (hat tip TS) Tucker Max, from what I've learned so far, is a really smart, somewhat crazy, extremely drunk, often womanizing, always insulting, Duke Law School grad that gets himself into a lot of situations that should get him thrown in jail. It's hillaious. I was laughing out loud today as I was reading it in the law library. I think that his stories have to be embellished a little if they're not complete fabrication* but it's funny as hell either way.

*Note for example this post (warning: not for the faint of heart) which concludes with, "The camera we used was one of those old fragile ones that filmed onto a VHS tape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tape broke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the images magnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone to put it in another holster until after we had thrown it out. I know it seems stupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it everyday, but you should have seen the apartment afterwards--the tape was not a high priority."

Or this post, whic concludes with, "Texas hasn't been the same since that October. Unfortunately, the Baby Dolls that I wrote about no longer exists. Dallas zoning laws have changed the club, and though it still stands, it's no longer the bastion of debauchery it once was. A few weeks after we were on 6th street, Cheers Shot Bar caught fire from Flaming Dr. Peppers and though it was fine, the drink was banned after that in Austin. You can still get them at some bars, but officially they are illegal." How convenient.

6 Comments:

  • I find reading the Electric Commentary a sure fire cure when I have insomnia; try that next time.

    By Blogger RyanSimatic, at 10:00 AM  

  • Or, you could try listening to techno music. That always does it for me.

    Heh.

    By Blogger PaulNoonan, at 10:19 AM  

  • I listen to techno music when I don't have a headache. And I want one. I'll stick to scotch. I just ran out the other day. Only four more days

    By Blogger DannyNoonan, at 10:36 AM  

  • Ooo SNAP! This may require an educational entry on the vast world of electronic music.

    By Blogger RyanSimatic, at 3:36 PM  

  • Fight it - whip out your Junior Lawyer badge and put that pig on the stand!

    On a side note, the Cheers Shot Bar alluded to in the Tucker Max story is one of the places Jenna Bush got busted for drinking underage. As far as I know, it's still standing and if it's your birthday, you get a free shot out of an inflatable cow love-doll's ass.

    By Blogger Legally Intoxicated (Retired), at 7:37 PM  

  • I commend your in your fluency in starbucksese!

    By Anonymous Suzy Starbucks, at 2:59 PM  

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